how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
