wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this hospital has no fireball
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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