I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize