I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
