Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize