Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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