cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
