He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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