please come you make the beer taste better
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
