any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
