I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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