Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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