she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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