Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
