We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
