yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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