Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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