I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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