He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
