dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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