smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize