Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
