respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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