If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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