Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
