Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
