they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
