but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
