Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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