Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
