Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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