Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
