Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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