i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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