If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize