I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
