I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
