I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
