Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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