Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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