I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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