I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
