its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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