hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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