I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am full of burrito and curiosity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
