don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
