then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
