You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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