How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
