even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
