Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
