Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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