Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
