I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
