What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You should frame my arrest warrant.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
