Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
