Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
