you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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