I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
porn star boner night. come get it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
