I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
