...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
