Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
