If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
