I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
