so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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