We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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