I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
