Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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