I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
