I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
