If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
