He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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