I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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