We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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