pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
