wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
