her vagine was all disorganized.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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